Asking my cousin about my idea of freeing myself I knew that her idea was totally different from mine. Sitting on her bed in utter darkness feeling the soft linen on my legs, a realization dawns on me, what if my "deep thought" was only something that occurred to me in one of my existential phase outs. My cousin began demonstrating how that even though we had lost our “inner kid”, we would never lose our "inner self". I thought long about what she said, just as I thought, our ideas were totally different. As I started telling her that our inner kid was not lost, she put a "we're on different wavelengths" face. I ignored it and kept on going. My point was that the inner kid was only taking a rest, and that we have to wake it up, and once we do, after all that inactive time, it would have the energy of five kids. I know this sounds like something that would only occur to some stoned guy, but every now and then I have these thoughts, and they usually don't leave until I find some decent answer, or another question arises.
We decided to go to sleep and try and figure this out tomorrow. I don’t know about my cousin, but at least I couldn’t fall asleep thinking about the question. I spent most of the night lying in my bed with a blank mind, trying to find an answer, but my mind decided to just stay blank, making me stay awake for nothing. I woke up in a feisty mood, only saying “good morning” to the people who were expecting me to say it. I had my usual breakfast, a couple of waffles with the sweet taste of maple syrup on top, my glass of milk, and my small bowl of fruit, which I had just begun to start eating at breakfast recently and I was still growing accustomed to. My cousin came out of her room in what appeared to be a better mood than me, but she didn’t order anything to eat, and just went past the kitchen to sit on the couch. She hasn’t been eating that much lately, so people didn’t really pay any attention to her not ordering anything. I slowly finished my meal and went to the same couch my cousin was in. We just sat there, turned the TV on, and just watched silently. The comedy show currently showing made us livelier, we had gone from serious to less happy in just a couple of minutes.
I realized how something as simple as a TV show had completely altered our moods. I turned and was about to start the “question” conversation, when I thought that it might make us all serious again I stopped in my tracks and kept watching the TV. We had spent 2 hours watching the comedy show marathon; I then started to slowly introduce the conversation, talking about how I had a new theory to the question. I stated that maybe our “inner kid” had just not been how it usually was, just like us before the TV program, it could change so fast we didn’t even notice it. Maybe our “inner kid” had just grown up and had become an “inner teen”, this was what changed us and made our personalities change. She seemed to understand the answer I had given, and made an acknowledgement nod. We had finally reached a stalemate, and we knew that was our parting point to making our definite answer. This was not a problem we would leave unsolved, my cousin and I only had 2 more weeks together to make this question go away from our minds, it had been bugging us even though we only had started to think about it the day before. We felt like these two weeks were a mission that had to be done, that the world depended on us. We started making plans so we had an orderly way to go about finding the answer. We finished watching TV, because the show was really funny, and it lifted our moods so we wanted to stay like that the most time we could.
No comments:
Post a Comment